...i want you to want me...
...i need you to need me...
...i love you to love me...
...i'm begging you you to beg me...

Oh god...this song gives me so many memories...desires...wishes...thoughts...oh god...it is too much.
Why it always happens that life throws us difficulties and disappointments when you just start feeling that everything is ok??? Yeah, i know, life is a battle, a challenge and all that matters is who is stronger...but...DAMN! im tired of all this philosophical bullshit...i just want to be happy...at least for a moment...and happily in love....not happy cause i got a good grade in my exam...or won another match...those things don't matter anymore when you take a bite of something more interesting...and exiting...

Right now i feel like im missing out on something really important...something that never happened to me before....with all those competitions...exams...tests...and all of that i forgot how easily i usually fall in love...how easily i follow the affection....and just see what is gonna happen..why i became so rational in mind that i stop myself from any kind of attraction, just because it is unnecessary at this moment??

yes, pretty soon im going back to Russia...(FINALLY)...but i feel like i won't be satisfied with people...no of course i will really happy to see my family, Kate, Juls...my hometown friends...have some charts with people that i haven't seen in ages...but it all turns out to be that at the end i still will feel incomplete...i need someone from here no matter what, just because right now all my life is here...and Russia for me is just a big holiday...at least for another 2 years of my life...

damn it....why i can’t just follow the flow as usually did b4??? why i need to ask for some many things from myself to feel complete??

I HATE POWER OF MY OWN MIND. period.

Current music: cheap trick i want you to want me...
Mood: thinking...