I'd dare to say, I dramatized a lot about the blue of fallen art and etc, in reality I just had neurosis and it reflected everywhere possible....
there's no blue, I'll do my dreams anyway, I can do that even working at the other job, cos working as a programmer I don't have enough knowledge yet
but now I'm learning serbian and even if I don't know how I'll study and if I want it to study in University of Belgrade, but I'll pass exams there and I'll somehow appear in Serbia! time and "fortune" will show )))
faculty of mathematics, department of automatiziting and informatics - University of Belgrade
in Russian-Armenian (Slavonic) State University I was studying at faculty of Applied mathematics and informatics, department of System programming
but at May 2009 I went to academical vacation to understand if I want universities and some other bullshit I hardly survive (plus my art apathy and having no conditions), at the beginning of 2010 I recovered there, at May 2010 I took off my documents, cos if I study, I'll study only in Serbia, Belgrade, in University of Belgrade! I don't care of the cost, somehow I'll do that, I have no fear
although I got already PHD's knowledge (in october 2007 I solved a scientific mathematical problem of PHD's dissertation in two weeks only, the whole Armenia had an earthquake of this my success, all the universities) and as always I don't like any systems, my profession is to hack them all

but I had two years art apathy, but now I'm okay and everything is okay, except the previous post and its facts, that wanna make me angry and blue, but it's almost impossible - cos I'm dandelion - weightless weightless :PPP and alsmost nothing, almost (!) nothing can catch me in the rain :PPP

after my first great success I had four more successes in mathematical science till february 2008, and I participated in sport programming olympiads like Russian Open Cup, topcoder.com single round match, but I had no serious success - I gave up and fell in a total apathy I always was trying to escape, but there was not enough something really. 2 years I'm killing time and working at different stupid jobs, my glory is offline :P

at the end of february 2010 I was very angry I gave up on all those stupid and boring jobs. I was suggested by my programmer friends to participate in the contest of ArmRobotics taking place in Yeravan every year, I entered this kitchen and was well-accepted by the cool team and nearly registered until I knew that I must pay money (officially) to participate, I had no money and I had to leave this contest, I couldn't afford to ask someone to borrow me almost 150 euro
in Republic of Armenia, there is no scolarship and I had no kind relatives, they all don't understand that I wanna work as a programmer, not as a waitress and they don't wanna help me at all
in april 2010 I found a job correlated with SQL, CGS, JavaScript, DOT.NET, PHP, and etc, I was accepted, but trial learning period was from april to august, and I had no money as usual to surivive this period's long
lately I returned to freelance and again understood I need time and conditions to gather knowledge for even one project, and as usual I have no money and time I live alone this flat was my mother's flat and I got it mine officially after her death.

I have been working from 2000 (I was 11), web-programming, hacking (in interests, not as a job), lalala till 2004, from 2004-2006 almost silence except some little jobs, 2007-2008 studying and scientific society, programming olympiads, 2008 winter-spring as a political journalist (some articles for some armenian and foreign newspapers) and active revolutionary (in internet I woke up real information war and agitation, the most part belongs to me) in the period of (failed) revolution in Republic of Armenia those times of President Elections.

2008october-2009may I was working as a sys.admin and operator of Russian-Armenian(Slavonic) SU, but salary was too low and I left that job. some little jobs again and jobs like waitress, operator in telephone company lalala, till february 2010.

now I have to return to waitress's job and it's nasty of course ) but everything is okay, and in 3-4 months I hope I'll make myself very okay and will be able to do programming, not waitress

c.music: Placebo - Post blue

it was predicated about Narodna banka Srbije aka Shushan Melik-Adamian ) I run away until our "friendship" break at the money's point, hahahaha
but anyway I'll make you and your strange lover okay, you are still my clients, don't worry) I didn't forget what I wanted to do with both you.

it's blue of course, but I really feel your thoughts and I accept her hints and behavior about "baby, when you gonna leave me alone?"
leave alone, lol

without food, internet, electricity and money I'll somehow survive
curse you, human race, you are all drown in your ...
so? from friend's "tag" into client "tag"
I really hoped that this time it'll be okay, I didn't even think almost, but, as usual

c.music: Mister X - Kilikia
c.mood: nasty

1. serbian lullaby lost as mugbook profile formatting consequence
2. Rozalie deleted, gonna write something in more edited style, lol, shit it was, sorry (look p.3)
3. period of emotions venting (oh no)
4. art doesn't die, I again online with programming :P ok, I don't care of money, ok ok :P Shushok aka narodna banka srbije said she is immortal :P
5. "Drinking Yearning" I wanna write, uff, can't manage it normally, ideas want to be expressed
6. wanna play Rachmaninov's e-moll moment musicaux, but my piano is out of strings, lower 1.5 tones almost, it sounds too psychodelic))))

wanna write something about love (ololo), and something in happy celebrating atmosphere in serbian, like Milan Stankovic "Ovo je Balkan" or smth like that ) love that atmosphere

ps: mood is unstable. it's so once a year :P lol I said partisans dont give up
pps: gonna write about empathy again, still cannot gather the thoughts and do manage it

c.music: Placebo - song to say goodbye acoustic
c.mood: more okay than it was

tonight my dream died, of course It couldn't survive and I couldn't protect it in the world of money. and now there is something like a smoke from the blood, blue, but we're too strong-willed, I show it since I was born
and one day this dream will be reborn again cos my art is one of the most valuable things in me I won't sell it anyway, just closed and killed it timely )

maybe a lot of people would laugh at me, but curse them if so ) I don't pay attention

and everything left is to find a good job with good money :P to buy some clothes, some cool food, 4 gb ram and 1-2 tb hdd, mp3player, to have fun :P

farewell Serbia farewell for years Love you everything, farewell

c.music: Jelena Tomasevic (ft Bora Bora Dugic) - Oro
c.mood: excellent!

Tamo daleko, daleko od mora,
Tamo je selo moje, tamo je Srbija.
Tamo je selo moje, tamo je Srbija.
Tamo daleko, gde cveta limun žut,
Tamo je srpskoj vojsci jedini bio put.
Tamo je srpskoj vojsci jedini bio put.
Tamo daleko gde cveta beli krin,
Tamo su živote dali zajedno otac i sin.
Tamo su živote dali zajedno otac i sin.
Tamo gde tiha putuje Morava,
Tamo mi ikona osta, i moja krsna slava.
Tamo mi ikona osta, i moja krsna slava.
Tamo gde Timok, pozdravlja Veljkov grad,
Tamo mi spališe crkvu, u kojoj venčah se mlad.
Tamo mi spališe crkvu, u kojoj venčah se mlad.
Bez otadžbine daleko, na Krfu živeh ja,
ali sam ponosno klic'o, Živela Srbija!
ali sam ponosno klic'o, Živela Srbija!

c.music: Tamo daleko (srpska narodna pesma)

freelancer.com is such an endless field of programming projects - choose what you want and start commenting, such an endless field of opportunities.
but.. Shushan aka Narodna Banka Srbije ))) is not immortal, stop sucking your friend gonna work as a waitress, no programmer I can be now I have no nerves to create something, to dream of dreams.. really. this is not painting, or music, that you can do in any condition.. my profession needs a powerful concentration that I cannot make now, in such a force-major.
of course I can curse all money and credit cards, but have no wish to curse something, I've cursed a lot.
interesting.. when I started to work as a programmer (I was 11, I was making web-sites), there were no problems, cos my mother was paying for internet, for light, telephone, food, clothes, now nothing there is, so I must do something
2010 NY I was working till feb, working as a operator, when I completely lost my sense of life being without any art I dream of, then Shushan suggested to help me a little and I left everything nasty for me, but it's okay now and I'm trying not to dream, because I can't concentrate at all, depending on Shushan and get worried if she is tired of me, thinking about fuckin lights, fuckin internet, fuckin human's food, fucking everything material needs
by short, goodbye art, goodbye til good times though I love you a lot and you are my main life things, I must leave you now

sorry for my neurosis everyone I know I said a lot of stupid things, I just have a lot of problems in the same time and no peace . sorry again.

such hot news

c.music: Led Zeppelin - Babe I'm gonna leave
c.mood: poor children

hmm okay neurosis, let's talk. what do you want from me? why are you trying to remind me about past, present, a? dont do the things you do
ok, neurosis? let's make a deal: fuck off, I'm just keeping my promises

c.music: No smoking orchestra & Emir Kusturica - Crna macka, beli macor OST (disko disko partizani)
c.mood: Partisans dont give up!

hm, ok, this georgian (I know him by my serbian) is 52 as I can see, he said "kuku", and he know all these unbalanced empath-teenagers like me (rolf rolf)...
ok )))
I accept I'm very unbalanced now ))) but 17 september 2010 I'll be 20 and wont be a teenager any more :PPPPPPP
Somheti (tearing laughing) ololo
Tbilisi, Tbilisi, ovo je Balkan :PPP

birds only know what's going on now in my head :PPPPPP

Beograd, kiss me :P kisni mne, nuuu kisni :P na grudi pritisni mne :P molim vas :P ja bezobrazen.. at all :P I'm your foolishest fuckest empath :PPP lol, .. this means when I'll be alive, I'll write a long analytical story about EMPATHY :P this word I know since 2005, when I started reading psychological dictionary :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

O moje Balkan.....))) volim, ne mogu :P

c.music: Milan Stankovic - Ovo je Balkan!!
c.mood: no, I'm going to sleep :P

okay here is no one of my friends knows who needs to be damned :P okay I'll find
and I dont give a fuck about what I'll do, what a damnation :P

c.music: Richard Vaughan - Aztec tension. Octli

tomorrow never comes


complaining deleted)))))

c.music: Bilja Krstic - jovano jovanke
c.mood: again cannot sleep

so pleasant music, I always like such simple pleasant energetic with primitive rhythms
listening to them :P thanks to my Shushan, she loves Nauru, today we were watching this vid on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ysME5TCa8E

c.music: ace of base -happynation

it started as I can remember in 1999 or 2000, when I saw film "Savior" and cried under "Uspavanka" (serbian lullaby). then I was terrorizing my mother (she was a doctor of historical sciences) to tell me about Yugoslavia, wars, conflicts, Serbia, ...
Serbia. night. holiday. Belgrade, with its big spaces, Serbia, Serbia, Serbia... Tara, Danube, Beograd, Novi Sad, Vukovar, Belgrade's airport, Narodna Banka Srbije (Serbia National Bank - my fav building))) ... everything ...
I started really dreaming of Serbia a year ago, but I had really no wish to earn big money to go there, and finally in january 2010 I wanted it for real...)
I am falling in impossible dreams, really, it's far too difficult to describe what's going on with me when I imagine I'm walking in Belgrade)
and... so... Beograd, wait for me, I'll come! now I'm searching for a good job (programming) to earn money to come to you...))) I love you, my Beograd)
of course maybe I'd pay no such an attention at Serbia if not my serbian friend I've never seen in reality, and now it's impossible to do that, but I fall in love with Beograd and I want you, Beograd)...
I can find some of your traces, dear Sergey (I hear so), RRk)
I...I like all your 'IC')) I am your very personal fool, my dear Srbija)))))) I LOVE YOU! no... I LOOOOOOOOOVE YOU! VOLIM VOLIM!!!....

I'll drink there cheap serbian vodka ))) and speaking with serbs in serbian, go to serbian hairdressing saloon (lol), I'm so excited I can't describe, it only can be felt ... I have these visions and fall apart from the chair, I was screaming and jumping when I appeared in Belgrade with GoogleEarth!
also I'm now learning serbian, I read a lot of history, watched many films (also in serbian), and I have a lot of pictures in my comp)

Srbija, VOLIM TE!...
I have no words... only emotions and impossible excited dreams, very important for me, I've become serbian
I see S land through S aura

lately I symbolically made one of clients okay) I know her here)
kisses, kisses, kisses, Beograd, Yerevan calling! RRrrrrrRRrrRRrRRR)))))

c.music: Rodoljub Vulovic Roki - Srpska garda
c.mood: serbian

I'll come back to you, dear J, but now wanna sleep.

c.music: Salma Hayek - Siente mi amor
c.mood: sleepy

Tubes of universal yearning
Maps of souls' failures

I ate manuscript, but they tore my stomach

Here the dresses smeared with glass-wool
Here the costumes with collar torn
And this crazy syringe flying around
Gonna prick me in the throat
In the room of Universal Yearning

From this window you can watch -

Magneto-gravitational fields,

Burning wars,

cursing fathers
crying mothers
their hungry children

and all those fallen lovers

Under thousand kubametres heavyweight clouds
Thousand souls
We're so used to
We're so scared to see another sky

Tubes of Universal Yearning
Maps of Souls' failures

I don't write to be read, I don't post my thoughts here to be understood or smth like that else, I don't write to collect an audience and comments, I'm not agitating something etc etc

The secret Aim of this J is known only to me and I won't share with the

here will be posted my "poems", mainly blank, my daily thoughts, and so on

so begin)

c.music: Sting - desert rose (live)
c.mood: insomnia

here's a journal. .ru - cos livejournals's weight sucks, other services' weights suck too, so here it guests )
will write in english to be understood, plus russian became boring ((.
I apologize for my broken english breaks itself ; )